1. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'dirt road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
2. They are cattle. They're live steaks or walking milk bottles. That's why they smell funny to you, get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-81 goes north and south. Pick one.
3. Pull your droopy pants up, you look like an idiot.
4. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
5. So you have a $60,000 car, we're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person in rural Pennsylvania waves. We think of it as being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and three does are coming in, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat scrapple, pot pie, funnel cakes, haluskie, pierogies, shoo-fly pie, apple butter, chow-chow, and schnitz un knepp. Don't like the sound of them or the names freak you out because you never saw a "Bon Appetit" article on them? Great, more for us!
9. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held on the Monday after Thanksgiving.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats (includes fish), vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce, and Heinz ketchup. Oh, yeah...we don't care what you folks in Jersey call that stuff you eat. It’s not real chili.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, and have long hair.
15. College and high school football are as important here as the Steelers and Eagles and a lot more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards---it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, community colleges, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country. They still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of folks who have been in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard - PA has one of the highest percentages of veterans in the entire country. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump-thump stuff is not music anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to # 3.
20. Four inches isn't a blizzard--it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense, and don't take all our bread, milk, and toilet paper from the grocery stores. You’re not in Alaska. Worst case you may have to live a whole day without your croissants. The pickups with snow plows will have you out the next day.
A true Pennsylvanian will send this on to others. Everyone else can leave town.
Selena Jankocan you believe it - I've moved on to ACTUALLY cooking. I'm a changed woman. Ethan is the baker now; made blueberry muffins and chocolate banana bread from scratch this past week. He encroached upon my territory, John. I had to surrender.
Remember to show this to your kids on mother's day...I'm in between laughing and crying ... it's bringing back bad memories of my first labor. And here they say "you forget"...nope. too soon!! I might use this video as a punishment factor for my kids when they tick me off too!!
A female listener struck a cord with me the other day as we were pouncing on a husband that insisted his working wife's job should ALSO be to cook.
She said that she also has a full-time job and kids, but she does the cooking exclusively to express her appreciation to her family. In other words, she doesn't look at it as a job that she's hoping to pawn off occasionally on her husband; she ENJOYS going the extra mile for her family.
That made me want to cook.
And I went full-out. No pearls and apron Ala June Cleaver, but I prepared a Greek rub from scratch and massaged that raw chicken between its skin and meat as if I was working for tips.
And I HATE touching raw chicken.
But I love my family... that was my mantra, anyway, during the rubdown. Even made mashed potatoes without a recipe - a scary thought for someone that doesn't cook, but I was determined to show full family love.
Three hours later (because a cleaning freak skeeves out handling raw chicken and needs time to over-Lysol everything), dinner was served. Everything looked so good, angels should have been singing as I opened the oven door. I couldn't wait to perform my "wifey duties" and serve my husband and son.
We sat down, and I intently watched Ethan take a bite. Nothin.
I turned to my son, who will usually put anything in his mouth, and saw a fistful of potatoes smeared on his face. He found a new toy.
I looked at my husband again, who is still silent, but eating. I couldn't take it anymore ....."Well?!!! Say something!!!!"
"If I'm not talking, it's because I'm eating. Take it as a good sign." Hmm. Wise words. Success.
Then I look at my son, and see this:
Almost looks like he's pretending to sleep to avoid eating anymore. This is not helping mommy's cooking reputation. Maybe I took too long to serve dinner (damn you, Lysol).
I thought the dinner was delicious, if I may say so. I was even surprised. We'll see how soon my next "family appreciation" cook-fest happens. In the meantime, I hope the family appreciates left-overs...
My hubby no longer works in the same office as me. What a weird phenomenon. This is the place I met Ethan nine years ago. These are the halls I would get all giddy running into him. I can't believe I'd ever miss seeing his life-size Gandolf staring back at me when I pass his office (yup. in radio we acquire eclectic things).
Ethan is taking on a whole new career outside of radio. It's probably the most selfless thing I've seen; to give up a career he loved and is damn good at, for better opportunities for his growing family.
Not only is he going back to college, but he has been taking care of our very active 18 month old son, Cole. And doing an awesome job, in the coolest way only Ethan knows how. Here's his latest FB post:
This morning, I showed Cole how to make eggs over-hard; we had an 80s dance party to Debarge’s “Rhythm of the Night;” learned the lyrics to “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” by Old Dirty Bastard; jumped my old Matchbox car replica of the sheriff’s car from “Smokey and the Bandit 2” over some monster truck toys and spices from the lazy susan; then went out to the playground to roll around in the dirt for an hour while I played hide-and-seek by standing behind a pavilion post that effectively hid nothing of my side profile. What did you do today? Did it involve bad coffee and parking like an a****** because some not-between-the-lines d******* in the parking lot set the standard for the entire row? Come to my house for a break. You need to park between lines properly. I need a break. You can watch my kid. I have good coffee. Win-win.
Their day started at 6a. Ethan could have forgivably plopped Cole in front of the tv, but he didn't.
Seeing this helps me get past the void at the office. Instead of seeing Ethan's quirky Gandolf poster at work, I'm greeted by all the fun toys Ethan and Cole play with throughout the day.
Ethan, you're putting your heart into this new job thing ... being an amazing Daddy. If you can do this with such finesse, I have no doubt you'll shine at your future profession.