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Jessie Roberts
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Posts from March 2013

Detention Artwork...


As I continue the clean out of my old room, in my parents’ house, I am unearthing some of the coolest reminders of my high school years… one of them a drawing I did in an “in-school detention” that I got for throwing an orange at Patty Ratchford’s face (note to students: teachers don’t appreciate the coolness of food throwing as much as you do).

I had never been in that much trouble prior to that day, and I never had been suspended. I had often imagined getting a day off from school for a small rule bending incident,  but an in-school detention was a pure form of torture that had you: having to go to school, but isolated from the entire population for a whole day, YUK!

I was banished to a small room adjacent to the principal’s office in the front of the building, and not far from the office that I had to report to the day I got caught tossing the orange. I was ordered to sit in the one desk (only one could fit in this broom closet sized room) where it was easily pushing 95 degrees. I was given a series of school assignments to complete and was told someone would be in to get me for lunch and a break… eventually. IT SUCKED.  But from all badness come a good result to some degree, and this yielded my best artwork ever.

Let’s face it, when all you have is time to think you can be pretty creative, I fact down right miraculous as the picture here will illustrate. Maybe I’m bragging up this artistic wonder work a little too much but look at the dedication, the attention to detail, the near lifelike movement in the shading and… I’m losing you here aren’t I?

The lessons I learned during that penance were more than what the teacher that sent me to a well-earned punishment thought he was going to instill, like:
1. I don’t like confinement at all (for a whole day or even less),
2.  I work a lot faster than most (so the assignments I was given to do were done about ninety minutes into a 6 hour day),
3.  I get bored very easily (that’s kind of what put me there in the first place),
4. Apparently I’m an artist,
 and 5.  I do some of my best work in “lock down”… see illustration.
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Does anyone know what Matzah is?!

Went to the grocery store and asked if they sold Matzah. Both workers behind the customer service desk looked at me like I had two heads. Should have known - it's the same store I asked for Lox, and they sent me to the hardware aisle...

Happy Passover!!

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Technology Ate My Homework!

Well, I DID write a beautiful blog about my sis returning home, but our system glitched and I lost EVERYTHING.  Hell, I may have even discovered the answer to achieving world peace in that blog, but you'll never know, now, will ya.


I hate when Technology breaks.  I have no control.  At least when I throw my computer and it breaks, I know it was my fault. 

Don't call the Comp Cops on me.  I didn't do it.....YET.

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Topics : Human Interest
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A Long Look In The Mirror...

I never really took the time to ask myself if I were “living right”, but as of late it has been a looming storm cloud that I can’t help but pay closer attention to.

The questions that go with living right are the killers: Do you drink too much? Should you lose some weight? Are you taking full advantage of the time you have? Basically: are you really enjoying your life?  Good question... and I now ask you to be honest, and answer it too.


In a recent newspaper article, the facts seem to say, we’re not:
(Scranton Times-Tribune 3-21-13)
We're overweight. We don't exercise enough. We smoke and drink in excess.
Those factors help to explain why Lackawanna, Luzerne, Wyoming and Susquehanna counties all rank in the bottom of a new report on the healthiest - and the least healthy - counties in Pennsylvania.
Health-care providers interviewed categorized Northeast Pennsylvania as a "hard-living region."
"Yes, we do work hard, but we also drink hard, smoke hard and we don't exercise well, It is something that culturally has been an issue here for years.”

I for one, am scared to hear this, and frankly was shocked and awed by the findings. Sure it’s funny to talk about how “nuts” we are, about how we drink hard, about how we live like “wildcats” and spend our nights partying like there’s no tomorrow…  but there is a tomorrow coming, and I’d like to see it. I’d also like to be healthy when the world spins around the next several hundred times…  and I also feel like I owe it to the people I share it with, not mention to myself.

We are better than this NEPA, even if the choices of our forefathers may not have been so logical.
So, take a moment to decide where you want to be in the next ten years…
if its jail, rehab or a cemetary, we’re moving in the right direction…
but if it’s happy, sober and healthy, it may be time to take a long look in the mirror…
the future of us may lie in what you see there.
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Jason calls the show!

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Getting Fumed While Getting Gas...


In an effort to make the world a better place to live, every so often I feel inclined to rant about the way that things should be (but usually aren’t)… today I will try to make convenience stores a little MORE convenient. Here are a small and brief set of Etiquette Rules we should all be following. Please read and pass along as a public service to the other residents of Earth.
 
#1.)  Know How to Use the Credit Card Machine.  You SHOULD be able to do it without messing it up twice and taking five minutes.

#2.)  Don't Scratch Off Your Lottery Tickets Right Next to the Register.  The worst is when someone buys a ticket then scratches it off while they're still standing in line.

 #3.)  Don't Trash the Soda Fountain Area.  If you spill something at HOME, you clean it up, do the same here. 

#4.)  Don't Take Forever in the Bathroom.  If you're using the bathroom at a convenience store . . . it's probably for something SERIOUS.  But remember, that's probably the case for MOST people who need to use it. So don't just sit in there playing games on your cell phone.  Do what you need to do, and be done with it.

And finally, my special favorite convenient store peeve:

 #5.)  If It's a Gas Station, Don't Park at the Pump.  This one's obvious, but a lot of people don't think about it.  After you fill up at a gas station when it's busy, move your car to a parking space before you go inside, so someone ELSE can fill up.

Why is this even a question we have to discuss? How insanely self-centered are you if you do this? Do you park at the 30 foot point of your 60 foot driveway? NO, because no one could use the space and it would be inconvenient for them, and you!

So please be courteous to those of us that breath the same convenient store air that you do… it always smells sweeter that way.
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I'm not crazy - I'm just singin' to my son!

Parents, we find ourselves willing to make a fool of ourselves to entertain our kids.


I love it when my son laughs.  It's my favorite sound in the world.  Definitely better than the alternative - crying.

Cole was getting a lil fussy while grocery shopping, and the parental instinct just kicked in .... SING!!!! 
He loves it when I sing, even if you hate it during The Wake Up Call's Really Wrong Sing Along on Friday!

So, here I am, in the middle of Price Chopper, singing my heart out to calm his crying. 

I must have lost myself in the moment ... I bumped into a guy behind me who was patiently waiting for me to move from the pasta aisle.  Apparently, I don't just sing.  I sing AND dance.  In the grocery store. Hey, I'm willing to swallow my pride for a happy kid!

 

Turns out, my husband does the same thing!  And he's looking for more songs to add to his repertoire - do you have any good kid songs to add?  Here's what Ethan just wrote on FB:

I’d like to apologize to Target for my singing voice, and the pony it rode in on.

My son’s a little over 13 months old. You might think that in 13 months, I would have learned several songs for babies and kids. But you would be wrong. I have a whopping, two kid songs in my repertoire- not counting the ridiculous songs about poop that I make up on the spot. One is the ABC song. The other is the song my son’s battery-powered singing pony regales us with, every time Cole hits the button in the pony’s left ear. I know the song by heart now, because Cole hits that button a lot. Sometimes I hear the song in my sleep and awake screaming in the night.

I recently found myself at Target with a cranky Cole who would only stop crying when I sang to him. The ABC song wasn’t cutting it for the little music critic, so I launched right into the pony song: “I’m a pretty pony… clippety-clop, clippety-clop… such a pretty pony… clippety-clop, clippety-clop…”

Now, I haven’t sung the words, “I’m a pretty pony” out loud since prison, so I was a little rusty. But that’s all I have in my song catalog. So while my son got quiet, Target shoppers got a free shit-show. Target, I’m sorry you had to hear a fat guy with a beard sing about something other than Christmas or fish sticks.

 
Any song suggestions, anyone? I need songs to sing to my kid that (1) won’t make me come off as any creepier than I probably already do, and (2) don’t announce to everyone else in the store that I see myself as a small, attractive horse.
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